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One aspect of IFS work that isn't often addressed is how exiles, our inner children, are motivated to seek a "redeemer," someone who will help them feel loved, seen and understood in the way they longed to experience as children by a primary attachment figure (usually a parent, sometimes a caretaker).
They are operating on a kind of inner algebra that getting a new "positive" caretaker will cancel out the "negative" original caretaker, as if people are math: 5 + -5 = 0.
Relationships do not work like algebra, this math NEVER works, and the only way to heal the original wounds with our primary caretakers is to grieve them and unburden the pain and undermining beliefs we carry because of them.
Helping exiles let go of their longing for a redeemer is one of the primary projects of IFS.
They are often profoundly stuck in cycles of limerence, desperately seeking love from inappropriate people and situations. These "crushes" or fantasy-based emotional attachments can range from mild to life-disrupting.
And IFS, our goal is to slowly but surely prove that the Self can provide the support, love and connection the exiles are seeking from outside of us.
By showing up consistently, Self can motivate exiles to do a u-turn: to turn towards the Self to be their primary caretaker instead of seeking that outside.
In this class, we will work with either the exiles who experience longing for various things or people, or the protectors who react to the exile's longing.
Limerence and longing are powerful internal forces that it pays to be prepared to work with!
This class will help you understand more about how to work with these emotions in more productive, compassionate, supportive and spacious ways.
Knowledge is power, and the more you understand about some of the more common dynamics that arise in IFS work, the more prepared you will be to work with your parts successfully!
Click here to schedule a free chat to see if this group is for you.
The DIY classes are currently running à la carte—you can try one and see how you like it without committing to a monthly class series. (If you prefer a smaller, closed group, the more intimate three-person group may be right for you).
Each class has a similar structure; the only difference is the technique or topic we focus on. In this way, it functions as BOTH a learning / teaching class and an ongoing experiential practice group. You can take it once to learn a technique or focus on a topic, then continue to drop in to future groups to continue practicing.
Because of the HIGHLY experiential, personal nature of the group, it will not be recorded.
We are a very small, intimate group of five who create a supportive, connected community.
I invite you to consider this group!
If you want to learn more about it, sign up for a free Zoom call with me. I do a Zoom with everyone who takes a class, so you have a sense of safety with me coming in to the class, to find out if it's the right fit, and to have your questions answered!
One of the ways people learn IFS best is through IFS demonstrations.
I have witnessed over 100 in-person IFS demonstrations by the founder of IFS, Richard Schwartz, during the 15 years I dedicated to learning IFS (including taking 13 level 3 trainings with him).
I truly believe simply watching IFS sessions is a very powerful way to get it IN YOUR BONES and to begin to live and breathe the IFS approach. Make it come alive in you! Watch it IN ACTION!
I also believe our mirror neurons benefit from the entrainment of watching other people's parts receive and respond to Self-energy. It gives them permission and hope that they, too, can do it.
In the spirit of dynamic, experiential learning, this group features a demonstration and time to do your own practice.
Introductions
Going inside / Journaling
We will begin as all IFS gatherings do, by going inside to connect to ourselves and center. Feel free to journal.
Sharing
A spacious check-in
Demo
A twenty-minute IFS demonstration either contacting guides or working with parts who have concerns about working with guides.
Heartfelt feedback about the demo
How we were inspired or resonate with the work
Practice
Time to do your own practice with your parts using finger puppets or whatever objects you have available
Sharing
Time to share any insights you want to share
Closing
After that, we'll close with a word or phrase we're taking with us.
Learn from a 23-year IFS Expert. Melissa Sandfort has been an IFS Certified Practitioner since 2010, with over 2,350 hours of IFS training, 1,000+ hours of in-person training with Richard Schwartz, and over 8,000 hours of her own personal IFS work.
Read Melissa's Full BioThere are no refunds. If you must miss a class, you can transfer your registration to a future class!
I have done everything I can to provide an affordable class full of value. I put my heart into all my classes. It actually breaks my heart when people want a refund, and I can't put so much love and care into my classes and then be heartbroken when people ask for refunds. Therefore, I have a no-refund policy for all my classes!
This keeps my heart and my parts safe, so that I can be vulnerable and excited about offering what I offer.
If a refund policy is important to you, I am the wrong teacher for you! I give everything I can, and in return I ask that you honor me by thinking before buying a course so that it is the right match for you.
Thanks for understanding!
Clarity about our purpose:
To deepen our capacity to do IFS and to develop our Self-leadership as human beings.
Choice:
You are free to censor what you disclose. No is a complete sentence. Choose to share ONLY what you feel comfortable with.
Confidentiality:
All material everyone shares should not be shared with people who are not members of this group, even if you don't use their name. You'd be surprised how far stories can travel.
Speak up for Safety:
If you are having difficulty with something that's triggered you, PLEASE speak for your parts, either directly in the group or as soon as you can afterwards. Please LISTEN to your parts when they tell you what they need in order to feel safe. Safety is our number one value. When you speak for your safety needs, you speak for the safety needs of the whole group.
Speaking for parts, not from parts:
To the extent that you can, speaking for parts, not from them, will help us maintain safety when sharing in the group.
Embodying parts:
During coaching demos, in distinction to other times during the group, feel free to speak FROM parts and to experiment with embodying them. The difference between blending and embodying is: when you are blended, you are in a part and you don't know you are in a part. When you embody a part, you are in a part and YOU and the part BOTH know you are 'being' the part.
No Coercion:
"Thank you, for letting me, be myself!" In this group, there is "no crosstalk." This means when one person shares, no one judges, gives advice, or reacts against what they shared.
Feedback:
Share how you are inspired or how you resonate with others. DO NOT share judgement, advice, or criticism. If you criticize others in the class, I reserve the right to determine that you may not be the right fit for my classes. Thank you for understanding.
Timeliness:
We commit to start and end on time. We start on time; this increases safety and strengthens the container.
Support and responsibility:
Ultimately, the only person who can keep you fully safe in a group is you. I want to do everything I can to make this group a safe space to learn, to go inside, and to share, in whatever ways feel right for you — but you are responsible for listening to the sometimes difficult-to-hear voices who tell you what they REALLY need to be safe.
You are not crazy if you get triggered, it's ULTRA NORMAL in IFS work. So take care of yourself, and possibly give yourself extra support on days when you do IFS!
Thank you for your commitment to this safety agreement!
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