The Inner Lives of Parts

Managers

What is it actually like to be a manager?

We’ll look at the different ways managers try to keep our lives under control — and why that can make so much sense from inside the manager perspective.

We’ll talk about the jobs managers take on, the rules they create, the things they worry about, and what they believe will happen if they stop doing what they do.

This class is an overview, so we won’t go into detail about every single type of manager. We will see what they all have in common as we go over the list of types of managers:

perfectionists, planners, critics, caretakers, controllers, people-pleasers, achievers, organizers

My own managers will be part of this conversation. Jessica, Green, the green crocodile, Joseph, and others will help me explore what it’s like to be a manager: IFS in real life!

Ultimately, the goal of this class is to leave with a felt sense that there is a huge difference between knowing managers exist and actually knowing them.

Firefighters

Firefighters are truly the opposite of managers and understanding them can profoundly transform your life. It has mine.

Managers try to prevent problems. Firefighters show up when the problem is already happening.

Managers are proactive: firefighters are reactive.

We’ll look at what it’s like to live inside urgency — the feeling that something has to happen right now.

We’ll talk about the many ways firefighters try to put out emotional fires: distraction, numbing, impulsivity, rage, escape, shutting down, compulsive behavior, and all the other creative things they come up with when they think something unbearable is happening.

We’ll look at why firefighters seem so extreme, why they can sometimes seem completely irrational from the outside, and why they make perfect sense when you understand what they’re trying to accomplish.

My firefighters will support the discussion:
Sharky. Koala. Rhino. Rumpelstiltskin. And others.

Some of these parts have been around for a very long time. Some of them have surprised me. Some of them have done things I absolutely did not appreciate. And some of them have turned out to be much more interesting once my managers stopped trying to get them to behave differently.

We’ll look at what happens when we stop treating firefighters as problems to solve and start getting to know them as sovereign beings loyally defending our integrity with the tools at their disposal.

Exiles

We’ll talk about what exiles are carrying, why they can become so isolated, and why the rest of the system can be determined to keep them out of consciousness.

We’ll look at the different kinds of burdens exiles carry — shame, fear, loneliness, grief, helplessness, worthlessness, terror, and many other things that are often frozen in time.

We’ll also look beyond burdens, because exiles are not just wounded parts. They are inner beings with personalities, preferences and ways of seeing the world.

They have things they love, things they want, and things they remember. Underneath their burdens, there is often something alive that’s been waiting a long time to burst forth.

My exiles will be part of this class, too.

Elel is the leader of the exiles. She may be joined by Elbe, Elpe, Cobra, Herald, Radia the bat, and others. I have many, many unburdened exiles, and they are a delight to connect with!

Because these are parts I’ve spent years with, I can share what it’s like to encounter an exile as a person rather than simply “a wounded part.”

Self

Self isn’t a part or a category to memorize.

We’ll explore what Self is actually like.

What does it feel like when Self is present? How do we recognize it?

What is the difference between Self and a part that is trying to be calm, compassionate, curious, or wise?

We’ll talk about the qualities of Self, but we’ll go beyond the eight Cs and explore the felt experience of being in Self with parts.

What happens in relationship with a part?

What changes when a part realizes that Self is there?

What does Self do — and perhaps just as importantly, what does Self not do?

After 24 years of doing IFS, I have a lot to say about this!

I suspect that by the time we get to the fourth class, the question of what Self is will look a different than it did when we started.

Because the whole point of this series isn’t to learn four definitions.

It’s to get to know the inner lives of these beings and the energy that leads them.

It’s ultimately to look through four lenses to more deeply understand ourselves.